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Jovi, and plenty of it.
By Daniel | June 30, 2007
“Batman: 4Ever”
Batman stood amongst the argyles, those fanged monsters of stone. “There’s something fishy in this city and I mean to Gut it, Cut it, and Serve it up for breakfast: Raw” he thought. He heard a cry, a distress signal. A dame. He caped his way to the ground and got into the Bat-Car. It was a mean machine so he punched the pedal to the medal. It had black flames on the side and a hot six-disc changer. The soundtrack on this particular night: Jovi, and plenty of it.
Batman raced the riffs til he reached 8th Street. The distress signal was deafening. He stamped the antilock brakes and raced (run) into the house. “Hello? Its Batman, I can help you.” He walked into the kitched and there she was. A beacon of beauty and everything that is pretty in this doggy dog world of pain and hurting. Her name was Tammy.
“Batman, thank Good ness your here. I just saw a villain beat a man and still his wallet and then pull his heart out of his body. He saw me. I was so scared that I fainted. When I awoke I found this business card in my hand.” She handed said biz card to Batman and he read it out lout.
“Incognito Johnson. Realtor of Destruction. Your about to get Rocked. 469 Halliflutin Street. Be they’re or be square, ButtMan.”
Batman grabbed Tammy by her attractive arms and kissed her mouth fearociously. He felt a feelling stir within his gut. It was a Love Kiss.
“Don’t worry Tammy, BatMan has a Bat-Plan.” And like a ninja robot from deepest, yellowest Japan – he vanished; back in the BatCar. Racing. To what? The dangerours destruction zone. But this time; Batman was the wrecking ball.
—
Was it love or was it a chemical reaction of X + Y = Ze Love? He was no matheticion, but his hearthoughts said, “I will ask for her hand to marry to me.” He was a man of romance and debonair, a true Castlenova. He would dispose of this Incognito Johnson and then put on his pointest Bat-Ears and get down on one of his knees and say “Dear Tammy: I think you are the most Beautiful girl I have ever seen. Your eyes sparkle like dimons. Your hair looks softe as silk. Your voises is soft as a pillow. I love you so won’t you love me? Just say no to Drugs; but just say yes to me.”
But first things first. Incognito Johnson. The scum. Batman thru a spike with a rope on it into a window. He pulled himself up; Crap! He can’t fit threw the window! He punches. He punches. Batman punches and the window cracks like our civil rights in War Time. He spiders in; slow; steady; true.
Kick! Batman is kicked in the tooth. Batman sees boots. Black boots. It must be Incognito Johnson, the biggest Johnson lover of them all.
“Listen ButtMan, you can nibble and gnah around my little hole all you want, but—”
Bat-Punch!!! Bat-High-Kick!!! Bat-Uppercut(like Mortal Combat!!!), Bat-Leg-Sweep!!!
Batman put his leather boots onto Incognito Johnsons’ chest. He blinked: Incognito shapeshitted into Kevin Nash!
Batman blinked – A black man!
Batman blinked – A Macguyver!
Batman blinked – A Rhinosaurous!
Batman thought “Oh Crap to himself.” Incognito Johnson (Rhino-form) shapeshifted back into his regular, gay self. “Just a trick of the light, ButtMan. He;h”
Batman didn’t flinch a muscle. His face was impressively serious, the face of a human argyle.
“Your about to be piledriven.”
Just then; A distress signal. “Oh Crap to himself” thought Batman to himself. It was Tammy. It was his financé. He grabbed Incognito Johnson by the neck. OR IS IT TAMMY? He had shapeshitted again. Batman was to smart for this trickery, seeing as Tammy has the arms of a motel; long and buxom like the hide of a long extinct buffolo. The Incognito Tammys’ arms were short and stocky, like Mini-Me. Batman grabbed him/her, flipped him/him and said seyonaro sucker and piledrived his/her head into the concrete. The head split like a Jacksolantern.
—
Tammy jumped into Batmans arms. They kissed and went all the way to second base. Batman stepped back and lowered himself to one of his knees. He asked Tammy to be him awfully wedded wife. She said, “YES! But I have to know; whats you’re real name?”
Batman smirked a smirk of the ages.
“The name’s Batman. Steve Batman.”
Topics: Batman, By: Daniel | No Comments »