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So many Greasy Guidos.
By Daniel | June 30, 2007
“City of Dying Angels”
The City was a bleeding, bloody animal. Mob boss Crooked Fingers had gone big game hunting last night with his biggest and silverest guns and shot a bullet of force into the belly of Beast, aka: The City. To bad for Crooked Fingers that there was one Man in town crazy enough to fight Fire With Fire. That man — that Man — was Danny Danger. Known for his ruthless ways he was organised chaos.
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Danny Danger wasted no time in going on the defensive, which in this case means a good Defense is a better offense, just like Coach Cooper taught him in his youth. He was going to take it to Crooked Fingers until they called him Bent And Broken Fingers With Bone Sticking Out.
He put on his steal toed boots. He crackled his knuckles. He put guns in his boots. He put a knife in his pocket. He listened to Led Zepplen to pump himself up. It was Zero Hour and it was was go time. It was apocalypse, now.
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He knew exaclty where Crooked Fingers would be: sitting happy at his restrant, gloating with knowledge that he had placed the City upon it’s knees and it’s only way to survive would be to eat out of his hands. Literally. This inraged Danny Danger and caused him to press the pedal to the metal. It was time to feed Crooked Fingers a plate of cold hard Revenge with a a cup of shut the hell up to wash it down with.
Danny Danger arrived right at the crack of nine PM and kicked in the door with his mighty boot. A terrible scene there was to be seen. The restrant was packed to the proverbal gills with Mob bodyguards and Guidos with greasy hair and mouths full of tooth picks. How was Danny Danger going to get to Crooked Fingers with so many Greasy Guidos in his way? The Only Way He Knew How: Kicking, and screaming, and with guns.
“Alright fellas, let’s get this party started” intoned Danny Danger with an air of disgust. One guido attempted to attack: Bad idea. Danny Danger kicked Guido’s head made his nose break in despair. Three more Guidos attacked only to be introduced to the business end of Danny Danger’s size 16 boot. Just then the rest of the Guidos attacked but Danny Danger pulled out his knife and launched into his Copywrited special move: The Tornadoe of Terror. He spun, they fell.
One Guido remained and he was the greasiest of them all. Crooked Fingers’ right-hand-man, Fat Tony. Fat Tony was holding an Lousville Slugger and you could tell by the look in his eyes that he only had one thing in mind: Grand Slam home run.
Danny Danger threw his knife and Fat Tony swung. To bad for Fat Tony that this was only slight of hand for Danny Danger to distract him. Next thing Fat Tony knows he’s laying face up with a bullet lodged square between his fat eye balls.
Danny Danger slit his throat for good measure before knocking on Crooked Fingers’ door.
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“Come in. I’ve been expecting you.”
Danny Danger stepped in and found a 12 gauge shotgun pointed into his face by Crooked Fingers.
“Looks like you’ve got me painted into a corner, Crooked Fingers.” said Danny Danger. He was only joking but Crooked Fingers didn’t know this because he said it with his Poker face.
“You don’t have me fooled!!! Yelled Crooked Fingers” as he pulled the trigger. Too bad that a split second before so, Danny Danger had plugged the barrels of his shotgun with bubble gum. The gun exploded. Crooked Fingers was hurt, but worse yet! A shrapnel had caught Danny Danger in the throat too.
The two lay on the ground together like wounded dogs. Wounded dogs with steak tied around their throats, that is. They scratched and clawed at each other like two angry women. No one had an upper hand untill Crooked Finger punched Danny Danger in the nose and made him lose his breath. Crooked Fingers sat up as if a victorious Champion. He turned his back. Bad idea. Danny Danger lounged forward and slid his knife into Crooked Finger’s belly. He pulled up as if unzipping a back pack full of guts. The place was a bloody mess. He pulled out the knife and stuck it Square into Crooked Fingers’ heart. The Heart of Evil, thusly killing him.
With his one last dying breath, Danny Danger smiled and said, “The City is safe.”
And for the briefest of eternities, he was right.
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