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Jew Bones.
By Daniel | July 3, 2007
“Batman Omega”
Batman stood squinty over Gothem City; his city. From yay high everything is perfect as peas but Batman is to smart to romaticise his city. He knows people rape and kill other people like there just a dirty dog with the mange. But so far tonight he’s herd no screams, seen no Bat-Sign, or Bat-Sensed any evilness. Just then a glint of shiny caught his eye. His Bat-Sense was buzzing like a secret.
He jumped off the scryscraper. His cape swung candidly like the last line in a old poem about pretty ladies. He saw a Red Convertable car. The license plate said “2 HOT 4 U”. It was just like Deja vu all over again. This was a pretty boy car and Romeo Valentino is the pretty boyest of them all. Batman ran fast and got behind the car. He opened the trunk hood and slipped into it like a candiru fish into a man’s willie. Something was to weird about this trunk. No spair tire? No; but plenty of spair dimons, if you catch the drift.
After a sort of long drive the car stopped and Romeo Valentino opened the trunk and just like that he was punched in the juguler vein in his neck. Blood goozed out his ears, he was hearing red; literally.
“Listen, Bud, you better tell me whats up or your going down. To Dirt Town.”
“I don’t even believe you for a New York Minute.”
“If you tell me who your working for I’ll let you go. One time offer, going once, going twice-”
“Do you think I was Born Yesterday?”
“Sold to the Romeo with the broken teeth”
“My teeth arent brok–”
Punch. Now there broken. It was Tourture-Time. Batman tied Romeo Valentino to the hood of his own Convertible and put worms on his face, in his hairs; In his mouth. He made a owl crap on Valentino’s chest. “Hootie Hoo” said the owl as he crapped. And then the Big Guns were pulled: Frogs. Batman said, “Pee on this scum, Frogs. Let him know whose the boss.” And they peed freely, like the man said.
Romeo Valentino cracked like glass after a little kid hits his first grand slam thru a window. “Ok I tell you everything just get these crapping owls and Frogs outta my face!!!! Im just a middle-man; a hired hand!! I get paid by the dimon!!”
“Whose The Boss?” asked Batman incredulessly.
“He’ll kill me!!!” hollered Romeo Valentino. Batman pulled out a six gauge shotgun and put each barrel up each of Romeos’ two nostrals; spelling certain doom if he was not to spill the Beans.
“Ok I’ll tell you just get it outta my face!!! Its… its…” Romeo was sniffling like a broken hearted teenager. “Its… Freddy Kroger.”
Batman untied him from his car and tossed him his keys. As he was getting in Batman said “Hey you forgot dropped your pocket” and Romeo turned around like Huh? Batman blasted his head off his body. Romeo Valentino was Romeo Valenti-No-More.
—
Freddy Kroger lived in a castle made of Hollocaust bones. This made Batman sick at his stomach because he likes Jew people, so he had double the reason to bring Freddy Kroger’s deck of cards (Jew bones) crumbling down like it weren’t no thing.
He thru a plugged in toaster into the moat and killed all the alligators and snapping turtles. They floated like dead fish and he walked across them much like a Bat-Christ.
He drop kicked the door and it opened and then he walked in like he owned the place. There was dimons everywear. The eyes of the deer heads on the walls were made of dimons. “Dimon dimon dimon” thought Batman to himself “I bet this guy has dimon blood; like a blood dimon.”
Just then the lights went dark. A spotlight turned on and visioned Freddy Kroger as he was raised thru a hole in the floor like a barber’s chair that goes lower than normal. “I have a visitor. A cop? Is it the fuzz? No; I don’t smell bacon. I smell the memory of dead parents.” Batman cried to himself because Freddy Kroger was right; Batmans parents were dead. “Trivia question for one Monsuire Batman. Who killed your Ma and also your Pa? Me did. Guilty as charged.” Just then Freddy Kroger put on a wig of red hairs. Red hairs like his moms. “Say it aint so” thought Batman. “He made a wig of red hairs from my moms’ own hairs.”
Batman was mad like a Bull in a china shop full of red things. He took his gloves off, his cape, his steeltoed boots. His mask. Batman stood Batman no more. It was just plain Steve Batman. The human being who does things that Batman would never do like use the bathroom or tip at restrants. Steve Batman was going to kill Freddy Kroger.
Freddy Kroger sprung from his chair into a bycycle kick. Steve Batman evaded and put the proverbial wrench into the spokes by clotheslining Freddy Kroger’s head. The wig fell to the ground. Freddy Kroger said “Hey get a load of this” and then he tried to take a turd onto it. Steve Batman punched and kicked and also slapped Freddy Kroger away from the wig. But yet; a turd was had and some got on the wig but not very much. It was full on Fight Time. They’re was thunderful powerbombs, vigarous body slams, and chokeslams to. It was a Dead Heat and they were both sweaty because of it. Steve Batman knew just what to do.
“Hey Freddy Kroger, you dropped your pocket.” Freddy Kroger looked down like Huh and just then Steve Batman karate kicked Freddys’ head so hard that it broke a bone in his back and it hurt him pretty bad to. Steve Batman stood over the villains’ crumpled body. “Tell me why you did it you Human Colored Piece of Crap.”
“Because I’m Bad As I Wanna Be.”
Punch. “What are the dimons for then you butthole?”
“Do you know the price of silence?”
Just then Steve Batman slapped a sticker on his fist that said “Silence: $2.99″ and then he said, “As a matter of fact….” And then he delivered a Biblical-size punch square into Freddy Krogers face so hard that his entire body exploded like a pumpkin and his guts and his colons got all over the place. Things were begining to tumble.
Steve Batman picked up his Dead-Mom-Hair-Wig (with turd on it) and placed it across his head like an Indian thing and walked thru the front door as Jew bones rained down like a plague.
The air was dark and crisp like lettuce. Steve Batman drew in a lungful of fresh air safe in the knowlege that writ large in the skies of time is one word: Justice.
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