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Dirty Deeds.
By kyle | July 4, 2007
“Batman: Ground Zero”
Batman surveyed his city. “Ahhh, this is the life,” he thinks as he sniffles in that fresh Gotham air, like the scent of a spring rain pit-patting uponst a new Ford F-150. A homeless man helps a boy scout cross the street. Mouses frolic hither and thither singing their ethnic songs and whering floppy hats like Feivel. A dog gives a cat a B.J. Things are piecefull.
Just then: havock is wreaked! Eddie from Iron Maiden busts up out the ground and yelled to Bat Man. “Hey bat-creep! Your about to be terminated.” Oh no, that’s not Eddie at all! ‘Tis but an allusion, a mear mirahj. It’s actually T-1000! Hence the “terminated” thing to say. He morphed into Eddie to do his Dirty Deeds. Fortunately, Bateman knew that Dirty Deeds Are Done Dirt Cheap.
Batmen sprong into action. “Not in my America!” he bats and springs into action. He rushes to the Bat-Cave. Batman’s mind drifts back….Back….Back to we’re it all begun.
Young Steve Batman walked down the street with his Batmom and Batdad. He was hapy. Suddenly the Joker killed Batmom and Batdad. Steve fainted and awoke in a dunjin. The smell of death hung thick in the air, like Girl Norbit’s fleshy posterior. “Urrgngngffffffnnngggfffuhhhhhgrduuh…” says Steve. “Wear am I?! The Joker appeared.
“Your in my laboratory,” joked the Joker.
“Who are you…?” Steve timided.
“I am the Joker. You might no me better as you’re father’s most trusted associate, Tyler.”
“NO IT CANT BE” YELLEd steve.
“Yes way,” joked the Joker. “And now I’m going to make a Joke out of you, as is my wont.”
“But why are you doing this?” (Steve talking)
“Because you’re father said I was mad. Maybe where all a little mad. Well right now, I’m mad at you, young Stevelet. FEel my rath!”
The Joker brung a bat out of a cage. It stunk like one of Sherman Klump’s (Nutty Professor) farts. It’s fangs positionged themself over Steve’s nubile neck. THEN THEY SKUNK IN!
But the joker forgot one thing: Steve Batman got powers from the bat instead of being hurted. Bat powers. Powers like flying. Echolocation. Blindness. Eating bugs. And from then on (P.S. he excaped later), Steve Batman was: Batman. Defender of the knight.
Anyway, Steve stopped remembering stuff because He got to his Bat-cave. “Open sesame,” quoth he and a tree stump hologrammed into a door. He stepped threw and got ready to Suit Up to defeat T-1000.
Batman put on his gear (Bathat, cape, insignia, Power Ring, M-80’s, and, oh yes, Guns, and lot’s of them) and stepped out into the nighe, like Iron Mike Tyson stepping into the ring. Little did he now, it would be as tho he would be stepping into the ring with Buster Douglas and King Hippo combined. Nevertheless, “ITs Bat-Time” was his thought.
Batman hoped onto his West Coast Chopper and choppered over to T-1000’s house. T-1000 was playing X-Box with a motley crue of ne’er-do-well’s. A wherewolf was their. Darth Vader. The bad guy from Spaceballs. A Natzi. Aaron Eckhart’s carector from In the Company of Men. Some real Rude Dudes, basically and essentially.
Batman new he couldn’t defeat them alone, so he rung up his old crue: Todd Spiderman, Jeff Wolverine, Josh Incredible Hulk, James Bond. Can you guess witch superheroes they really where? 
Every one suited up and blasted off and the various goodies and baddies exchanged clever banter amongst themselves that demonstrated how they kind of didn’t trust each other but were also freinds.
The superhoros got to the Villin Party ready to kick tail. The villins saw them coming on they’re radar and formed a huge Red Rover line to Moe the heros down.
The gyros also had a trick up there sleeve, however. They all went Super-Saiyan and Chi-Blasted the bad guys! Blood and guts went flieing every which way but loose. Batman contemploted the reckage.
“Why?” he thought. “Why must we kill just to make a buck in this fallen world?”
He wept himself to sleep that night. And in his dreams, Batman was naught but Steve Batman, innocent little boy. What hath this world wrought? What, after all, hath it wrought?…
Topics: Batman, By: Kyle | No Comments »